Come ease the pain thats in my heart...

Author's note: I was a bit hesitant to post this here as I feel it's quite a personal blog, but then I figured "what the hey" and here you are. I originally wrote it for GSB, the Green Day fan site I'm most active on.

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Okay, so I’m not one to be superstitious, but what I’m about to explain is really all I have to hold onto now in hope that my dream will one day come true.

So on another Green Day fan site I’m on, there’s this member and she’s been a fan for 15 years. I knew before she’s pretty much a huge fan and has had some run-ins with the band (in a good way); I messaged her for some advice as to whether my project is a good idea and if they’ll even get it through the system I’ll send it through. I’m currently working on a letter to Green Day and I might also be giving them a small wood carving; if it pulls off, I’ll post pictures, naturally.

Anyway, what I got back from her was nothing I could ever have imagined. She heard Basket Case in ’94 the rest is history. She’s spoken to Bill Schneider, Jason Chandler and John Roecker (all of whom speak to the band regularly) and gets a lot of info from a man in their UK management team and a person that works at the American embassy and deals with work visas for American artists. She claims it’s luck. She also informed me that her “next adventure” is a trip to Las Vegas to meet Mike's sister, cousins, and Billie's brother and sister. I couldn’t believe it, I was astonished. At the end she said “I can’t believe my own luck sometimes”. But is it luck, really? She does go to a hell of a lot of shows and is very active on Idiot Club and the fan site’s she’s on and knows all the mods for them (I guess it helps she’s unemployed with this, as I explained I’m a student and simply don’t have the time nor the money to follow them around on tour, as much as I’d love to.)

The reason why I’m writing Green Day a letter is because of one simple reason; I honestly don’t think I’m ever going to meet them. Ever. Call me a pessimist (because I very much am) but the chances are so slim, they seem light years away from me and I’d probably screw up and say something stupid anyway. So thats why I want to write them a letter so I have the time and am in the right mindset to say what I've wanted to tell them for years, how they got me through a health crisis and are everything I am today and continue to be. But last night, I had a dream, a very long one.

I was in town with my friend and walking past this hall/school/venue place we see a big long queue of people standing around and chatting. I approached a group and say “Excuse me, what’re you lining up for?” and an excited hyper girl replies “Billie Joe’s in there, we’re going to meet him!” and squealed with the rest of her friends. My jaw was on the floor. So we immediately joined the queue and waited until we got to the front to the entrance doors.

We walked inside and I saw Billie sitting on one of the chairs, looking around nervously. My heart sank. My friend and I take a seat and wait. Everyone is called up by name and sits next to him, talks, takes pictures and leaves on a high that will never cease to part. It felt more like an awful talk show than a Meet and Greet for fans; people were poking fun at every sentence that was said either by the fan or Billie and the whole crowd laughed along. I couldn’t stand it and left, went home and complained about how I didn’t get to meet him.

Presumably the next day I’m back in town, and there’s another M&G opportunity. I join a much smaller queue and get to a woman with a clipboard in no time. I ask her how much it is “40 pounds”. “40 pounds!?” My stomach felt like it had been kicked. “Oh no, I don’t have that!” I quickly get my phone out and try to ring Emma but its engaged. The woman softly says “It’s okay, you can pay after”.

I wobbily walk in, and there are very few people in the seating this time. Billie is still sat in the same seat as the previous day, but he looks happier than yesterday. I walk over to an older man who I ask if I have to sit down, and he tells me “Not yet.” I sit on the stage behind me with a pro-series digital camera, put my hand on the lens and zoom in on the fan who’s sitting and chatting with him and take a picture; you never know, I thought, the girl might be so caught up in the aura of meeting her idol that she may forget to capture the moment; a moment that will no doubt stay with her forever. They shake hands and smile and the girl leaves.

The announcer says my full name which echoes around the hall. My stomach and legs turn to mush. I walk across the floor where my footsteps echo and up and across to the seat next to Billie’s. He grins, I sit, we start to talk and my dream slowly fades as if to say “the rest is history”.

Now, like I said, I don’t go by dreams or superstition-y stuff at all, but perhaps this dream evokes the meaning that I have to be patient and wait for my dream to come true. Sure, it probably just came from my psyche of late events of talking and thinking about it, but you never know, eh? With the position I’m in, as I mentioned earlier, that’s all I have to hold onto right now.

Remember to learn to forget.

Okay, so I admit, I'd kind of abandoned this blog for various reasons I won't disclose, but I remembered that it even exsisted recentelly and had the urge to pick it up and write again.

So since my last blog 3 months ago, I'll update, cutting lots of long stories short. The main [and most important] one being that I managed to get Green Day tickets in the end. I'm too excited for words. I've also set myself the task/little project of writing them a letter; make of that what you will. The 02 states that they can deliver any letters or presents you want to give to the artists performing. I really hope they recieve it, like it and hopefully reply to me in one way or another; I get butterflies just thinking about it and I felt sick with anxiety when I first started writing it, but I'm getting into the flow of it now. It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever written, so I'm glad I have months in advance to do it! EDIT: After having part of our neighbouring tree cut down recentelly, I found a circular piece of strewn wood in our garder a while back and kept it as it looks cool. I thought of what I want to do; carve "CHRISTIAN + GLOARIA" into it, the two characters from 21st Century Breakdown. I might also carve it into the shape of a heart, too. If I ever finish it, I'll post it.

I finally finished my 6 exams..hurray! I get my results for them in August, so fingers crossed. So glad they're over with and I'm now on my break for summer which I'm loving so far, lots of birthday parties constantly happening :D I also finally tried the new Special Effects hair colour I was banging on about ages ago, and its fantastic, definately recommend it to anyone who regularly colours their hair crazy colours like I do :) For me, my Nuclear Red has lasted about 2 months, way better than Rusk SCREAM!

Being a avid gamers, my brother and I have set up our own broadcasting channel on justin.tv, where we play games from Mario Kart to Timesplitters to SSBB, so do check it out if you're interested. You can watch us at www.justin.tv/the2veggies

I'm also pretty stoked for August as I'm going on holiday to Ireland and will be touring round parts we havn't been to for a bit and then staying with our friends out there. I'll hopefully be taking my laptop for gaming and catching up with people and the like.

I don't know whether I'll keep writing consistently here, but if you've stayed since the beginning and havn't actually got bored senseless, well done you.